I do this thing at the end of the year where I ask myself a bunch of questions to reflect the year that has passed and create a vision for the year to come. I haven’t quite done that in the kind of details I normally do, but I’d like to start reflecting on the past year with a prompt that a friend of mine asked a few weeks ago:
“What have you learned this year?”
I thought about it and started listing all the amazing lessons I’ve learned, but actually it all comes down to this:
I learned to face my fear and have courage even though it seems like I have none and be okay with whatever flaws I have as I take that step forward.
That’s what this year has been for me.
I began this year by facing my fear of not having a steady income and not having a so-called “plan” for the future. This little one still comes from time to time, but each time it comes I spend time being quiet and realize that I am actually having the best year of my life, living and doing whatever I want and when I want it. The future will shape itself naturally as I follow my heart desires. And the support, somehow someway, is always going to be there. So I learned to trust this life.
And then I learned to face my fear of writing. This one caused me some anxiety attacks – the kind that requires several rounds of deep-breathing. The turning point came when I stopped judging my ability to write and accept that I am learning, and I don’t have to write perfectly. And that if I really want to learn, I gotta stop being embarrassed by what I write and just put it out there. And in the end, here I am, months later, actually doing writing on the side and getting paid for it. So this one turns out okay after all.
And finally, the biggest fear I had to face was myself and that question of “who am I to teach and share?”. I like to share about things that I’ve learned (if it’s not already sooo obvious from all these letters and posts I’ve done), and in the last few months as I took my Yoga Teacher Training, I realized that I do have things that I can share to others that might help them with their lives! As that realization sunk in, the struggles of unworthiness began instantaneously and I started comparing myself against great Masters like Yoda (DUH, good job brain for that totally insane comparison), and all the mentors I had in my life. All that left me shrinking in the corner remembering how to breathe again.
But then I remember again, I am learning this thing. I DON’T have to be perfect. If I make mistakes, then that’s how I will learn. So then I started sharing myself more with people. I’m still scared shitless on teaching others, which is insane, cause normally, as long as I spend time preparing it (which might take days), I’m totally comfortable in class. But yes, I’m still scared (even as I’m writing this my breaths get shorter), but fear is not going to stop me from sharing.
I am committed to making this world a better place by teaching others about love, and no, Sir and Ma’am, I ain’t gonna stop just because I’m scared of myself.
So there, my beautiful and amazing 2016. And as I look forward towards 2017, I came across these fun GIFs where I gotta take screenprint as the words scroll really really fast and these are what I got!
The Universe knows me so well. She knows I’m all about the Tacos and the Booties. So in 2017, am totally having lots of Tacos and am totally having a cute booty. Plus, if recognition comes my way, I will welcome it with a big heart. (Probably going to freak out about it, but after some deep breaths, I will inhale all the love).
Oh and one more thing, this is my fortune cookie for 2017. Which is again, totally true and accurate cause the same day I got this was right after I came home from hanging out with a neighbor who pointed out that their normally noisy dog totally loves me and sat quietly by my side. Yeeep, puppies totes love me. Cause I am totally adorable and lovable 😀
Alright, I really hope the year has been lovely for you. Spend some time reflecting on the year, and share with me what lessons you’ve learned this year. I would absolutely love to hear it 🙂
Heaps and heaps and heaps of love,