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On Sadness

Greetings, folks 🙂

I haven’t been writing much cause I was traveling for a little bit and I’ve been needing a lot of alone time.

I’m not alright. Well, actually, I’m alright, I’ve just been sad. And that’s alright.
In this life, often, we work too hard on being happy, that we make sadness not okay. And because we make sadness not okay, we don’t know how to handle sadness.

Sadness is uncomfortable and it doesn’t feel good. It particularly turns me into a beautiful fountain of salt water. (Maybe that’s why I love going to the ocean when I’m tender – so that my salt water merges with the ocean salt water and I become a part of something bigger, no longer feeling so alone.) But that’s the more reason to make friends with sadness.

I’ve been through a lot of sadness – many different kinds and each one is never the same as the other. I’ve been through a very deep sadness that made me so afraid of sadness. But that didn’t work cause the more I was afraid of it, the more it sneaked up on me and took me by surprise and engulfed me in it until I no longer knew who I was.

So after experiencing that, I said no thank you and I started getting to know sadness and being a friend to sadness.

These days, sadness is like that friend that I rarely talk to, but once in a while would come and visit and demands a lot of attention from me. Since sitting around with sadness is uncomfortable, naturally, I try to avoid it – I would surround myself with other people, get myself busy, avoid certain songs. But guess what, unless I attend to sadness, it will never go away.

Like tonight, I was on my way back to my room after hanging out with my family and I got a little voice in my head that goes, “you sure you want to go back to your room? cause you’re just gonna be sad.” And there was a part of me that wanted to do a 180 and say “you’re right! let me just go back and entertain myself some more.” but instead, the wiser part of me replied “yeah, I’ll be alright :).  it’ll be good.” And I went and spent more time with it.

I never knew how long sadness will stay or how much I need to attend to it. I wish I could put a specific date to it – “okay, you can only stay for 2 days and after that you gotta go, cause happiness is gonna come and I need to spend time with happiness.” – but that’s not how it works. It will come when it comes and it will go when it goes.

And to be honest, I’m blessed to have reached a point in my life where joy is always around (even though sometimes it’s playing hide and seek with me). Joy makes dealing with sadnessmuch easier. And sometimes joy occupy sadness and takes sadness for a walk so I don’t have to attend to it, and that was really nice of joy to do that.

This time around, when sadness arrived, I was actually reminded of another friend that I can bring along to make spending time with sadness much easier. So I called up compassion and ask compassion to be around whenever it can while I play host to sadness. And what a great companion compassion is – its presence softens things and made me embrace sadness with an open heart.

So there you go, folks, I’m playing house with sadness, who drives me crazy sometimes, and makes me cry in a puddle on the floor whining “i’m miserable and in pain, help me! just take it away from me! why do I have to go through this? where is that magical band-aid when I need it? I got a boo-boo and can someone kiss it now so I feel better?”

But other times, I’m alright. We sit here together, playing my uke and singing and crying, and drawing, and reading and it’s all quite enjoyable. And oh my lordy lord, the insights we have come up with just from sitting here together have just been beautiful. These insights shines a beautiful light on areas that I can grow to be a better, more loving and more compassionate person, and these insights have always shown that there has always been love and that there is only love.

Yeah, sitting around with sadness ain’t bad at all.

And when things get a little crazy again, I remind myself of what Glennon Doyle Melton said:

“What happens when we transport ourselves out of the pain is we missed all of our transformations. Because everything that we need to know to become the people we were meant to be is actually inside of our heart loneliness. So when we jump out of it, when we jump out of our mat, we are like caterpillars who jumped out of our cocoons right before we were to become butterflies.”

See that, folks? Imma be a butterfly.

“It’s morphin’ time”
– Power Rangers

Love always,

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